Motherfucking Ukelele Smackdown

Vids of ukexcellence.
Love Or Confusion. I'm not sure whether that's the name of the group or their medley, but it consists of a guy on a stand-up bass, uke, clarinet and tap-dancer. The only part I recognize of the medley is Manic Depression.
Duncan Pflaster performs the Most Bitter Break-up song you've ever heard on a ukelele, or anywhere else. "No Children." His cover of "We Belong" is actually moving.
"Don't Fear the Reaper" by various.
"Boom boom" by Meaghan Farrell.
And the real icing on the cake "Du Hast" covered by Gio Gaynor, unfortunately I couldn't get to load, so I can't vouch for it.


Hair Brag Update 20070329

My beard hasn't gotten noticably longer in the last few years, although I still have to untuck it from the shoulder strap when I put on a seat belt.

borat_cannes125cHere's the new thing worth bragging about. You may have seen Borat's eye-catching swimsuit (at left).

I can bring my hair over my shoulders, down my chest, and basically recreate that image with hair instead of green spandex (see below).

Take that, borat!

Thank you.


Russian crank-style pancakes

Slaughterhouse Nine-to-Five

Jay Lake hosted a contest to find the funniest mashup proposal, along the lines of "A Canticle for Lebowski -- Jeff Bridges as an immortal Dude wanders post-apocalyptic America searching for an intact bowling alley." (Sorry, but you gotta be a sci-fi geek to recognize the pun.)

Some of the ideas I submitted:

The Island in the Stream: Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton discover they are clones of rich people whose organs or bodies will be harvested in case of accident. Singing and hilarity and breast jokes ensue.

A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen of Their Own: Captain Nemo shouts, "There's no crying on the Nautilus!" while ferrying a female team of baseball players through incredibly narrow canals in Venice.

Mad Max: Beyond Biodome: In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, two losers try to prove to their girlfriends that they're environmentally correct by surviving gladiator matches and rescuing a tribe of lost kids.

The Road to Wellville Warrior: A lone warrior protects a small outpost in the wastelands by advising them to have yogurt enemas and warning them that the erection is the flagpole on their graves.

Slaughterhouse Nine-to-Five: A young soldier disconnected from time flashes forward and backward, from his experience as a prisoner during the firebombing of Dresden to his experience as a prisoner of three female employees who he harassed and mistreated.


Learn from Eliza

Ever play with the old computer game ELIZA? It was a program that was supposed to parody Rogerian therapy, the kind of therapy where you try not to be the elite authority figure handing down a magical judgment and cure from on high, but you use questions and reflect what the therapant says back to them, in the hopes that they'll hear themselves better and figure it out from their own words. You type in words or statements and ELIZA replies with little questions and riffs on something you said. It has a limited data set of words, but if you use a family relation, it might ask about your family. If you mention an emotion within its data set, it asks or talks about other emotions.

It also works like a primitive Turing test, making you wonder if there's really a human on some other terminal responding to your questions in real time, or if this is just a computer. It could almost pass for human for a few minutes. Sometimes it would get the syntax wrong when it used your own phases turned around in its responses, like "Tell me more about your the tomb."

If it recognized none of the words that you entered, it might pick one word and say, "I don't know what you mean by [your word]" or "Tell me more about [your word]." And another pre-programmed phrase that came up randomly, or maybe came up when it couldn't recognize any of your words, was "How does that make you feel?" People love talking about themselves and their feelings, even when you don't want them to. Female people doubly so.

My lovely female person in the other room, Melinda, sometimes stays up 20 or 24 or 36 hours, reading emails, watching YouTube, making videos of her own, reading and posting on newsgroups or email groups. Internet addiction. Like any variety of addict, she sometimes gets so wrapped up in her activity that she neglects personal hygeine and sleep and other commitments, lets it intrude on her relationship with other people. ;) hi.

When I pull her face out of the monitor like that little girl getting sucked into the tube in Poltergeist one or two or did she survive past two? Anyway, when I get her loose from the computer and headed in the direction of dreamland, she usually performs her ablution, then sits on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette while hollering personal and philosophical questions to me, often leading questions as if she were the prosecutor putting herself on trial for some perceived sin.

[At least she never smokes in bed while lying down. She's strict about that.]

I usually scream at her for a few minutes, because she's not really holding a conversation, just trying to get me to say she's been horrible or done something wrong, or she has misunderstood some major aspect of her life and needs to rethink it, or just rhetorical questions about how bad she is. It's also maddening because the half-assed conversation is not allowing her to get to sleep yet, and she's just going to get more freaked and stir up more self-loathing as she stays up later.

She lays down with the light on overhead, still asking questions and trying to get me to agree how bad or wrong she is. If you want a guide who can soothingly talk you down from a head-trip, find some other saint. I already earned my wings and harp. I'm not going to waste my time on pointless, depressing discussion, especially when it prevents the most effective solution, which is getting some sleep.

I assume not everyone has this particular problem, but perhaps you will find this lesson from ELIZA as helpful as I have. When your female problem or chatty buddy is asking you pointless shit, engaging in a useless or rhetorical conversation, or revisiting shit you've already talked about over and over and you're sick of hearing it and anyway you're trying to accomplish something else, and you've filled your fucking quota of earnest listening for the day or week or epoch, go ahead and let the blather wash over you. Keep reading Metafilter and and Insurgent American. There's no need to put thought into the conversation. If you're doing this in the kind of situations I'm talking about, you've already determined that there is no good purpose to the conversation, and therefore no good purpose in your putting any effort into it. Use ELIZA Jujitsu. Reflect something she just said back at her, and turn it into a question.

I hear you saying you're concerned about the mailman thinking you don't buy enough stamps from him. How does that make you feel?

Repeat as necessary.


You had me at

Funniest comment I've ever received on a YouTube video:
"You had me at cock." - nicanicamad.

...Unfortunately the video was posted under Melinda's account at her request, and later she had a change of heart about the topic and deleted all of her videos talking bad about the guy, including the one I made. Since she has a "director" account allowing her to post vids longer than 10 minutes each, and I have to keep them under 10 on my account, I'll have to edit the video into two parts, and it will take a while. Dammit. Definitely the last time I let her post any of my videos. I think you can still read the comments from the link above though. Some of the coolest comments I've ever received, probably the most watched and most discussed video I've ever posted. Dammit!