Slaughterhouse Nine-to-Five

Jay Lake hosted a contest to find the funniest mashup proposal, along the lines of "A Canticle for Lebowski -- Jeff Bridges as an immortal Dude wanders post-apocalyptic America searching for an intact bowling alley." (Sorry, but you gotta be a sci-fi geek to recognize the pun.)

Some of the ideas I submitted:

The Island in the Stream: Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton discover they are clones of rich people whose organs or bodies will be harvested in case of accident. Singing and hilarity and breast jokes ensue.

A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen of Their Own: Captain Nemo shouts, "There's no crying on the Nautilus!" while ferrying a female team of baseball players through incredibly narrow canals in Venice.

Mad Max: Beyond Biodome: In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, two losers try to prove to their girlfriends that they're environmentally correct by surviving gladiator matches and rescuing a tribe of lost kids.

The Road to Wellville Warrior: A lone warrior protects a small outpost in the wastelands by advising them to have yogurt enemas and warning them that the erection is the flagpole on their graves.

Slaughterhouse Nine-to-Five: A young soldier disconnected from time flashes forward and backward, from his experience as a prisoner during the firebombing of Dresden to his experience as a prisoner of three female employees who he harassed and mistreated.


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