awkwardly

Wednesday

Robertson Formula: How to make Satan work for you! (or God)

If an event is good and it's happening to me, then it shows that I'm doing something right. It is safe to assume that God has blessed me.

If an event is bad and it's happening to me, that's just the normal kinds of events that happen to everyone. No need to bring God into it. (Unless I recover from it nicely, and then that's God's blessing again. See also the Mother Angelica biography by Raymond Arroyo.)

If an event is bad and it happens to someone I don't like, that shows they've been wicked. Assume God is punishing them. This could also be a large group of people collectively punished for failing to denounce the wickedness of a smaller subset within the group, such as the September 11 attacks (punishment against gays and liberals and the ACLU) or the 2004 tsunami that wiped out a 100k or 200k people around the Indian Ocean because of some gay beaches around there.

If that last way of condemning enemies gets too stale, then you can shake things up a little bit by saying they made a deal with the Devil 100 years ago, and they're finally getting their punishment.

If things go well for your enemy, that's because the person is the Devil or made a deal with the Devil.

These interpretations of events are not your way of manipulating religion. It's just a reasonable, common sense interpretation of the Bible and the traditions handed down to us by only the best, truest representatives of God. All other interpretations can safely be assumed to be of demonic origin.

You're welcome! ;)

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