I'm hoping that this means the United States is thoroughly protected from any kind of terrorist attack for the moment, because why else would FBI agents spend their time fighting transgressions against intellectual property? A god damn video game, no less.

I propose that if any major terrorist attack succeeds within the next six months, then we repeal all intellectual property laws to make sure our protectors get their damn priorities straight. No, fuck it. All property crimes. Aren't there some perpetrators of violent crime that these guys could be tracking down, instead of making sure that Coleco or Microsoft doesn't hemorrhage a little money on Half-Life 2? Could we get any clearer evidence that money matters more than people in this country?

How bout if one of these FBI agents gets pulled off the video game case and takes a look around Cleveland or Benton Harbor, see why they need to riot every few years to keep cops from shooting black people? How bout if one of the video game agents maybe checks with Robert Novak and the White House to find out which senior Bush advisor revealed the name of a fucking CIA operative who has been researching weapons of mass destruction? Could you make some time for little things like that?

If there were a five-step color coding system for the Intellectual Property Threat Advisory, like blue-green-yellow-orange-red, I would suggest that our current status be colored at Code WILL YOU PLZ GIVE ME A GOD DAMN BREAK?

In other news, Federal Boardgame Investigators vow to end rampant counterfeiting of Monopoly money, to ensure that only Parker Brothers has the monopoly on printing Monopoly money. [Parker Bros is owned by Hasbro now, but aren't we all?]


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